dear diary, here i am again. my friend Ryan just broke up with his girlfriend yesterday. he told me after the futsal session with him just now. my day gone mild after i heard his story. i started to think about desfin. but this is kind of confusing because my heart has already belong to someone else. maybe i am moody because i have compassion as to Ryan.

my brother called me yesterday. he told me that mum is going to change the telco from Maxis to Digi. then he asked me to send apologize message to mum because MUM DONT WANT TO LISTEN MY VOICE. alright! dear brother, what should i send then? "mum i'm sorry to make you hate my voice?" "mum i'm sorry i said something that broke your heart?"(she said more things that hurt me deeper) "mum i'm sorry for telling you i'm not going to marry for the rest of my life?"

advise me, diary.

damon salvatore?luffy?

hello diary, here i am again after i neglect you for some time. Johnson's issue today had stimulize me to write here. i don't know what should i tell him. i'm a loner?i like to do everything in my own way?i hate the way people around me behave?so i kept quiet when he was nagging me for not willing to help him in our group tutorial answers. i shouldn't argue with him because i have to control my nerve. but one thing i can't get over is why people around me just don't appreciate what i had done for them when they desperately need my help. should i let him to compile me to become whoever he want me to be? i had tried so hard to become the original me again. should i give up myself to accept the environment?

25th july

ishk!i am going to be very poor for the next few days until my roommate wayne come back from penang. yesterday i paid for his rental, after that i followed my housemates to @Maison. i am totally overspending. the cash flow is deficit. so today i ate only 1 meal. i am starving middle of the night. so i decided to hibernate. while i was going to sleep, i saw juin posted something that makes my heart rain as her heart does.
then i was trying to console her. but i know she wouldn't listen. i know the mood better than anyone else. what does a sad people need the most at the moment is a big hug from someone and tells you don't worry, i got your back. unfortunately, i wasn't around her, so is better for me to hibernate because i am starving and no money to eat.

24th of july

what i did for last few days? let me think...erm...breath? PPS? i forgot. i just remember what i did for today. i woke up 3pm then washed up. then i suddenly realise today is saturday: my movie day. then i checked on the time. then drove to wangsa walk mall. i was alone for your information.
i was wanting to watch the sorcerer's apprentice only. but i was late thanks to the stupid old folks that blocked the whole road because she wanted to cross the road. then i have to change the time table by watching 2 movies. so i watched Street Dance on 5pm then the sorcerer's apprentice on 7pm. Street Dance is a pretty nice dance movie. the soundtracks are sexy and cool. maybe juin should go and listen, see got what songs is suitable for her SEXY dance.
something confusing me in the sorcerer's apprentice. i thought Balthazar Blake is a villain in sorcerer's world? Merlin was a Royal family if i wasn't wrong about England history? i thought the Becky was Kristen Stewart in blonde.no, that's Teresa Palmer. why there was no one notice that they practice magics in the public?shouldn't there will be some chaotic in NYC? but i love the soundtracks in both movies.wee...

happy 22nd?

yal right!happy 22nd birthday to myself.
i woke up 9.19am and took a hot bath then put on my formal attire. yes, i got presentation today. then i attended the lecture at 10am 1st. after the lecture, i was starving like chickens and dogs. then i asked my classmate, GTY, "where are we going to eat?" then his response stung me for a few second, "sorry, we din't plan any celebration for your birthday."
gosh!i was asking where are we going to eat not celebration!fine!because i know everyone of you think that i am a bad apple in the class. i smoke, i drink, i don't join world cup gambling and i am an alien in the class. so what?shall i care?sorry, seems out of my topic.
then i went to my car with another classmate then we went to genting klang to eat chicken rice. then my class football members also joined me there.
after the lunch, then my presentation will be next. to be honest, until i stood in front of the class and start to present,i never saw what i was going to present. although the answers were completed by me, i also don't know which part of the assignment should i present. what i did was looked at the slide and start to talk in my own words. then when i cant think of anything to say then i just jumped slide.
after presentation then i went back to hostel. i chit chat with some of my friends then i took a nap. after that i took my dinner at PV7 as usual, mix rice. then as usual, after my dinner i had my pool session for 5 games. then i came back to my hostel to watch korean drama. while i was watching drama, my little sister called me and wished me, then i was lazy to talk to her because she is 11 and still don't know the manner of talking to the phone. then i lied to her that i was doing assignment then close the call.
what so special about birthday actually?unless someone give me present then is different thought. but i am still glad that FB still got a lot people to wish me as JUIN said. but i am waiting for someone that is very influencing to me to remember my birthday.

stress out

i am running out of steam as i am finishing my assignments, test, and tutorials. i guess it happens to some of my classmates because there are some jerks who thought they are the free riders or they had contribute so much for their groups. i do not mind as long as they do not get on my nerves.

share some private opinion here because i don't want any of my classmates know what am i thinking. do you think vegetarian steamboat in unlimited buffet style will be successful?the consumer can eat as much as they can and pay u 19 bucks per pax. do you think 19 bucks for unlimited access vegetarian steamboat will be successful instead of charge you 50 bucks?the regular unlimited access steamboat charging at average 29 bucks. my opinion is 50 bucks and above because this is a new concept. the high price enable me to cut the price or do additional promotion in the future.

alright, cut the crap. tomorrow is my birthday. i wish the same wish as last year plus one more wish. err... i wish i can be better and stronger. are there anyone going to celebrate for me?i don't think so. my classmates was not bond like that time anymore. anyway, wish myself happy birthday. don't too overrate myself.

man with the hood

i am back to the blog world as i feel that there is no one that I can trust around me to tell my story to. Well, i backed to Penang to work while my holiday since 28th of january. I actually back to Poh Kong Jewellers to gain some achievement, so that I can have a good testimony when I apply for job in the future. ( I was thought that the achievement can be recorded in my Advanced Diploma certificate, not eventually)

So I work my ass off to achieve the target set by my boss - RM 125,000 from 1st of March to 15th of May. But I gave myself a target of RM 80,000 then I can take a rest d. For your information, the target that my boss gave is equals to RM 60,000 per month which is the target for those who already work for 2 to 3 years with the basic salary of RM 1,000 and above. But my basic salary is the junior sales which is just RM 700. But my mindset was just on the achievement so i just don't give a damn. Moreover, in their culture, all of the junior sales that just started to do sales, their first and second month sales will be around RM 15,000 to RM 20,000. So that had been a great pressure to me because i wasn't confident that i can achieve my boss's target or even my target.

Surprisingly, i did a RM 28,000 for the first month which is at the rank 4th (the outlet has 10 salespeoples and i am the newbie). No newbie had done this before except the rank 1st in the outlet when she was a newbie. So, she defined me as her threat that will challenge her top sales position. Then all the salespeople started to steal customer or share the lights and do a lot of tricks just to keep themselves in the 'competition'. But, i managed to do a RM35,000 plus a RM 40,000 of gold bar which put my overall performance to RM 100,000 by 21st of April. By that time, I felt like nothing to fight for, so I tendered my resignation then I left on the 23rd of April.

Actually, I had done a pure survey or experiment on my job experience. The previous job experience with Poh Kong Jewellers which i entered on the 27th december of 2008 and i left on 23rd of April 2009, that time I wasn't a salespeople yet. I was having training for those period of time. I managed to keep well relationship with all of the staffs (because i wasn't their competitor yet). But when the second trip back to Poh Kong which i promoted to a salespeople, our relationships all broken and they even see me as threat and sabotaj me to stop me from challenging the top sales. In conclusion, got sales = no friend, no sales = got brothers. (only apply in Poh Kong culture) But I would like to thanks to those seniors that willing to teach me a lot of their secrets and thanks to the boss for giving me the chance.

By the way, I met a girl named Pei Ching in Poh Kong. but she wasn't the same outlet as me. She is cute, but I won't think about that.

harsh

what's your feeling when your group member use your example to complete his assignment while directly related to your assignment?i will feel nothing unless someone says he wrote it better than me then i will care. i thought assignment is a group effort that writing the same story. however, due to the consideration of group work, it divided to partial to each member 1 part or more but still writing the same story.

i was blamed. my group member blame me for writing the same story for example in the assignment. i don't like to be blame. fine!this is the first time i collaborate in assignment with them. is my fault for not meeting their requirement. i apologized. but what i want to clarify is the method wasn't wrong!

i miss kuala selangor!i miss penang!sobs..

grief

i dont know what's wrong with me recently.
it feels like my luck just went off.
i am always experiencing you lose some when u get some.
i haven't back to my hometown for a month.
this is the first time i feel isolated from my family.
this is what i was dreaming for.
but, it doesn't feel good indeed.

a strange scene happen to me and Kian.
she called me a stranger.
i still remember she said she will ask me out if she come to KL.
so when she wrote her blog and said she came to KL,
i asked her why din't find me.
then she replied me who are you, stranger.
ouch, that's pain enough.
then i fight back and i can only say i hate you
because i really don't know how to fight back anymore.
actually it is good that everyone treat me as stranger.
i can understand why she treat me as stranger.
then she asked me to get out of her life.
i....am fine with that too.
i never be part of anyone's life i've thought so.
i doubt.
i doubt that what kind of me should i be.
a bad guy?
a good guy?

i've strived, thats what makes me left behind.
i've tried, thats what makes me stay alive.

i came back from kuala selangor at 12am just now.
then i opened my laptop as usual and sneaked around at facebook.
then i saw desfin wrote that she was boring.
intentionally and unthoughtfully, i chatted with her.
first i thought why suddenly she was so nice to me.
then i asked her to give me her msn add (she deleted me)
and she gave me.
accidentally or godwish, she chatted with lawjoey(her best fren)
she din't recognize who i am, she thought i was someone else she known oso as Randy
i was fine with that.
then lawjoey recognized me
then she shouted OMG,OMG and OMG
she remembered who i am d.
then she blocked me instant
she hates me?
why?
she betrayed me and she hates me?
does she eligible to hate me?
too bad













i know you was scare of me
but hope you know that i am always hoping for the best for you

dearth

i spent my whole day watching korean movie which was my favourite.
i like the feeling of the sadness it gave.
it makes me feel that i am still care of myself unlike when i went to KL few months ago.

my family came to KL for my cousin's wedding.
this cousin is my god sister as well.
but i departure from Penang with Liza first because she had an interview.
in the party i got to see the faces i dont like.
the uncle, aunty, and cousins.
especially my god parent.
i wonder why my parent allow them to take me as their god child.
in a circumstance, i told them that i want to go to Kuala Selangor to have my hair cut and eat the local delicious food.
immediately my god mother came to me and advise me in public:
you come to KL to study or be a food tester?
then i said i have to eat while i study right.
then she asked me why i want to do so.
i said i dont want to waste my chance to try the delicious as long as i still alive.
then she said to me in front of all people:
"you are wrong........"
1st thing i was angry is she nag me in front of so many people, they were listening.
2nd thing is she denies my opinion without any consideration.
3rd thing is she tried to manipulate my mind.
4th thing is the thing i always angry with her about. she never did her job as my god mother.
i hate to see her.
i hate to talk to her either.
but my mum keeps remind me that she is my god mother.
that irritate me more.
sometimes i would rather be an orphan like Liza than face all the fakers.

today, my dad asked me to go to MidValley to have lunch with my family.
today is my parent's 22nd annivesary.
then while eating, my mum kept complaining my hairstyle.
then she even compare me with my cousins.
that even piss me off. then i bursted.
i shouted you can complain me anything but not my hair!
dont manipulate me!
then after lunch i went back hostel immediately.













after years, i still miss you.
i will always love you and hope the best thing will happen to you all the time.

motivation

637am in the morning when i am writing this article.
i am not that hardworking by waking up so early.
but is my time turned upside down since the exam period start.
i sleep when the sun rose, wake up when the sunset.
three sarcastic papers was over.
i had never felt like suicide when i exam.
but this time i really dont have any confident on passing the paper.
one more to go.economics for marketing.
economy is my talent i would say.but the matter is the calculations.
although i manage to get a B grade for the coursework, i still a little bit worry on how to pass this paper.
this 2 days, desfin posted some of her recent pics on facebook.
and i accidentally and i felt like it was fated to make me saw the pics.
she was my motivation on everything i do when i with her,
after broke up, the sadness and loneliness that she gave to me
had evolved to an intrinsic locus of control to me.
but time goes by, i lost interest on everything when i thought i managed to get over her that time.
i felt that love is so easy to get and easy to let go.
thats why i became dispassionate.
but this few months i changed again.
i become an extroverted people again, i used my intuition a lot again.
why is it so?
because i miss her so much. i seriously say i still have feeling on her.
she is like a mark, a tattoo to me. ineraseable.
her shadows, her smiles, her voice, and everything, suddenly haunted me back.
that makes me still believe there is true love.
i wont hope to be with her again, but i will demand for her happiness.
she will never be my partner anymore, but no one can stop me from faithful to her.
although she betrayed me, i still love her.
if possible, i will keep my love to her forever in my heart undiscover because she is the only factor of my motivation.
then i checked on her profile, stated,"in relationship with Justin Looi"
thats the guy who i wont ever waste my time write any of him in my blog.
and i can know something of her recent life in penang because
i was with her for 9 months, everything of her are seems to be
predictable to me.








what goes around comes way back around
i miss desfin.

enervate

suddenly the mood of writing comes up after attended ms chin class.
she talked about mr teoh again and i read e - paper jz now.
his case still unsettle and some papers are insulting his girlfriend immoral because of pregnant before marriage.
then the papers stereotype that chinese are like that, immoral.
i support ms chin that our current WISE prime minister should do something to these people who picking someone's bones.
then i came across the PKFZ issue.
poor mr tk ong.
he said he was threaten for revealling the truth of PKFZ.
then this guy,mr teoh couldnt hold his nerve by telling to public that is mr ong owed him.
well, this is fraud definitely.
ACA dont tell me there is nothing wrong with the PKFZ issue, but mr teoh was guilty.
so, today i read through an article from somewhere.
he said the ACA should have retired or shut down instead.
i was like....good, is useless anyway and yet you may be killed before the case close.=)
then about the H1N1.
now only i aware that our country medicine facility soooooooo...i can only use trashy to describe it.
and yet our mr liaw warn us, whoever SUSPECTED to have H1N1 should wear mask or will be ARRESTED.
OMG!sick also have to arrest?
you guys really got nothing to do is it?
why dont you use the remain resources to invent antibiotic for it?
you are ministry of health right?i almost thought you are the head of police when u said arrest.lol
by the way, from the death rate of H1N1 in Malaysia, i can only determine my lovely country as an ethnocentrism country.
why the news of the 1st H1N1 country, Mexico has gone?
because is under control?
if is under control, their country is bigger than malaysia and can be controlled, why dont us?
thailand is under H1N1 attack too. but their people can still strike on the road without mask.
dont tell me thailand medic is better than Malaysia?
and yet the members of parliament (MP) still proposing to help Gaza.
dudes, you are under fire, aren't you aware that?
if you are so concern of the people of Gaza, why you never propose to help people in Taiwan?
just because they are American's friend so they are not human?
then what make you different from a japanese (from my knowledge, japanese dont lk taiwanese for certain reason)?
then this article makes me ithcy.
mr hisham said,"We’ll act against those who incite hatred on the Net! Those who use the cyberspace to incite hatred or insult any race or religion or the monarchy, will soon find it increasingly difficult to hide behind the ‘mouse’."
as what ms chin suggested to us just now.
as in constitution, i now using the Act 10 which is the right to speak to express how i feel in the way which is proper.
blog can be public, can be private.
nowadays, a lot of people write blogs to express their emotions to share with the readers.
the writer have the right to write whatever they want.
but it is depends on how the reader determine the phrases.
folks said,"pointing a deer and say is a horse."
the meaning is in this dark city although there are lights, but we have to say it is dark because the powerful man insist it is dark, whoever say is light will be killed.
thats 1 of the definition from my point of view.
of course i know the real meaning, but i could barely think of a story to explain it. so be it.
my college is going to close. thanks to the once thought is head of police, mr liaw.
H1N1 is already scary. now after you get infected even suspect only if you dont wear mask, you will be arrested also.
our government is sooo CUTE!
like the editor of sinchew,mr cheng said they got nothing to do but picking others bones.













i am trying to practice on writing a 300 words article

afflatus

i was having a really wavy day today.
in the morning, i was praised by Ms Chin for giving her some creative ideas on the case study.
i was hailed for the praise.
then with a pleasant feeling, i ended my classes.
when i backed hostel, i saw that fellow again.
he was socialling with my housemates (to gain relationship so that can stay more days without commitment)
then i went to bath as usual.
then he took a nap.
i purposely put rock songs with my splendorous woofer!
woooo!!!!i was so excited!
then suddenly....
daymare came to me.
my mum called.
she told me my sis jz had a terrible result.
then she put all the blame on my dad 1st for not paying the tuition fees for his daughter.
then she bring out the old time stories to tell me how bad was my dad.
then of cos i will say enough i don1 hear those anymore.
then she started to blame me for stand on my dad side.
then said i am unfilial.
then said i should responsible for my sis poor result for persuading her not to tuition.
tuition is a long story so i wont tell here.
after i listen to her, i got angry.
becos from wat i analyzed, she was trying to dominate all things.
my dad did so much for her, she still unsatisfied.
i nvr listen any good words about my dad from her.
then i scold at her for not respecting her husband.
i asked her to talk nicely at least negotiate with my dad and have discussion.
then she cant listen anymore so she just shut off the call.
after that, i went movie with some frens which i promised earlier.
then i told 1 of my fren who had a divorced family too.
then she inspired me something which make me relief.






one of my fren in penang jz lost his mum for a brain stroke.
remourn...

Aggravation

frustration continues as one of the stupid dumbass is my roommate.
he is a complete clean freak.
i sweeped the floor then mop it as well.
he still not satisfied because he think still dirty.
so he sweeped again.
then i fed up. then asked him to sweep himself don ask me to do it anymore.
then after the friday presentation, i mute myself to him.
then i went back to hostel and just pack my things then fly to 1 utama to hang around.
then he messaged me,"bad news for you, i was suspected to be in h1n1,dont come back this few days."
what the f***
die mah die la!so what!then after i back from Kuala Selangor,
there is a stranger in my room.
i asked him who is the stranger.
he said is his Johor friend, came since friday.
dude!did u inform one of the owner of the room that there will be a stranger in my room?
then i never talk to this guy at all because he looks so fuck up!
then i asked the dumbass when will the fellow leave.
he said tonite maybe(monday nite).
tonite is wednesday nite!
the fellow is still in my room playing facebook and watching movie like nobody business.
i want to get some sleep. then his msn alert keep waking me up and the lights never off even 4am in the morning already.
in summarize, this fellow is so fuck up!parent never teach him have to greet all the members in the house if you want to stay in someone's house?
while i am writing these, the fellow is still watching movie in the living room(because i close the light and pretend that i sleep) with max volume of my housemate's laptop!
i swear if tomorrow he is still in my hostel, i will fuck the stupid dumbass for his lack of responsibility and his disrespectful to me!
i dont care you sick or what!the fellow you bring in you must bear for it!
then you sick u shut all the windows and doors until the room hot till can steam a chicken in 5 minits!
then you want me to suffer with you also ar?
when i sick that time i never do like that to you also la!
you know what is give and take?
sorry, i just forgot!you are just a stupid dumbass that dont know how to use your brain!
lazy!stupid!dumb!stingy!racist!SEAFOOD(means lala)!thats what i can decribe him!













AAAARRRRRRRGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!

blithe but dont indecent

woeful days recently.
last week after i came back from penang for celebrated my sis grand birthday party,
i had a terrible week.
i got a presentation on thursday and i did it just fine.
on the half way of my presentation,
i suddenly felt bored with my own topic.
it's about persuading people not to marry.
although i am agree in this view point,
i dont think i was persuasive enough.
then the next day, friday, 2 presentation consecutively.
i was so eager to finish it off with a great presentation.
so talk about the 1st presentation.
it's a group presentation about football.
football is my expertise.
unfortunately, there is a stupid dumbass in my group
who is poor in english, not aggresive in study and what i can describe is stupid and lazy.
is a lassie.
so?who say girls born to dont know about football?
the lecture just simply ask her,"if u are to replace the manager to manage the football team, what will you do to build your reputation?"
simple question right?
of course we did discuss and we told her the answer.
but who knows she dont know how to build a sentence in SIMPLE ENGLISH.
then second question to her too (lecturer purposely do it becos she 1 the dumbass to learn)
"442 is a common formation of the football team, what can you do to the formation to enhance performance?"
guess what the dumbass said," What is 442?i really dont know about football (in front of the class) and in the presentation still!"
i was trying to help her out by telling her answer in simple english.
but she couldnt catch up my words and asked me to speak word by word LOUDLY.
GOSH, are you insane?you are suppose to answer the question, not me!
then lecturer just let us go and i got shame because of the dumbass!(from Johor Branch indeed)
so thats the end of my 1st daymare of the day.
then second presentation, MIS.
same group with the dumbass again, but added 2 more dumbass also from Johor Branch, same condition as the previous dumbass.
this time, these 3 dumbass go out and told things that they dont even understand.
lecturer asked her a basic question of the software she presented only.
she din even understand what was the lecturer asking.
then i had to stand out and help her out again.
then the other 2 also the same.
then i asked them what was that!
they told me they nervous and mind was blank.
then i said thats your problem, my marks are low because of your nervous is it fair to me?
my performance was great among the whole class!suppose to get 4 out of 5!
but because of their unprofessional behaviour,
i just got 2 marks!2 MARKS!!!
unacceptable!lecturer said that the assignment was not truly understand by the group!
so she gave us such a low mark!
what the f***!then she said i am the only 1 who sounds like doing the assignment on my own then distribute to them to present!
i explained that no!each person write a software then each person will present the part that what they had wrote.
impossible u cant tell people the story that u wrote yourself right?
but these 3 dumbass really make my ass bleed!
in conclusion, from now onwards, got johor branch people no me!
i cant imagine they are so poor in personal enhancement!
somemore lazy!shit!
my johor frens are very smart!unlike these dumbass!

mourn

2 days ago, i just celebrated my 21st birthday with my classmates.
they made me felt warm indeed because i never celebrated my birthday with a birthday cake before.
days before that, Mr Teoh was reported committed suicide.
when i read the articles, i admit that i cried.
i believe many readers cried as well.
his dead made me think that if i was the one who was dead.
i still have a lot of dreams never accomplish yet.
my friend man chun told me that his purpose of living is to die.
he said he lost the compassion to live.
i felt the same as he does.
but when i read the articles, i had change my mind.
the world is still warm and is getting warmer until the go green people keep telling people global warming.
but my warm means the world still love me.
people live to get a better life.
politicians fight among each other to be on the post.
i just learnt a word called servant leadership.
it means the leader works for the subordinates.(Lim Guan Eng)
the traditional way is subordinates work for the leader.(Mr. Mahathir)
they all have the same goal, better life.
but patheticly, people like to use tricks to succeed.
so Mr. Teoh was sacrificed.
but he managed to be a hero in public's heart.
his dead integrated the community more eager to strike for justice.
is very extraordinary to see the chinese stand together fight for the same purpose nowadays.

autism

last weekend i went back to penang to attend my convocation.
then my parent finally attended although they almost late to see me get on the stage to receive the diploma.
no special feeling from me when i received it.
i can see from my dad's eyes telling me that nothing to proud of, this is just a diploma.
yes, i am feeling the same too.
there are more challenges ahead.
after that, my parent gave me a bunch of sunflower.
then my mom insisted that i will like the flower.
in fact i am not.
it proved that my mom don't really know me.
but my dad do because he said why give a guy flowers, disgusting.
then we took photos and i managed to take with my favourite lecturer, Miss jocelynn lee.













smoking is not good for health, but it helps to stay focus.

frustration

Saturday is my belated convocation.
I am sure everyone hope that parent will attend your own convo right?
So i called my mum (i never spoke to her for a long time) to ask her whether she wants to attend my convo or not.
then she asked me to ask my dad whether he wants to go or not.
so i called my dad.
my dad quickly rejected his friends' appointment.
he said luckily i called him to remind him.
actually it cheered me because all these years i am urging him to treat me like i am important.
then i called my mum back.
then she rejected me indirectly. It was harsed seriously.
she told me the reason that she has to fetch my little sister to tuition at the time.
then i asked her to give me some money for the petrol(i purposely test on her)
then she kept saying that i hurt her...bla bla bla...
then she raised up her voice then said i am infilial piety (her friends are beside her)
i heard their voices. i really feel like killing them you know.
but i have to calm down.
this is my mum. so i just ignored every spears she threw at me.
but i just cant forget she just did that.
that really hurt me.
my mum never called me since i came to setapak.
she always told me that my dad was hoping that i can quickly study at setapak so that can abandon me.
but from my perception, is she doing it.
when my relationship was good with my mum, i was hating my dad for what he did to my family.
but now my relationship is good with my dad and i am hating my mum for what she did to dad.
my dad applied hygience theory to me and made me hate him.
but now he is applying motivator theory to me.
today my group did the eng presentation.
i did not put in my 100% because i still lost myself.
so at the 1st, i was trying to talk to my mum.
but she just gave me that kind of reply.
sometimes i wonder where is my family?
am i alone?
until just now 745pm my dad called me asked me when i back.
then i said tomorrow. he said i kept wasting his money travelling back.
haha.
actually i felt warm.













u make me wonder

mould

i stayed at hostel watch movie whole day, so what?
gosh!Ms Chin tutorial question really tough lk in the hell.
no wonder so many ppl failed her paper.
jz now i had dinner with Milk and her housemates with the Johor friends as well.
i ate a set of fried rice and a set of chicken rice plus a huge cup of herb tea.
i guess i had stopped drinking black coffee since i came to KL.
i barely chat with Vern today. but somehow i can feel that she is a little bit down today.
after the dinner, i fetched the johor friends back to their hostels.
while on the way, i let 1 of them to tell fortune from my hand.
he said he know how to do it.
alrite, i was planning to let him know who i am really are.
then he immediately told me that i am someone who put a high expectancy to myself.
i am a loner. i can do everything alone. then he said i am currently disappointing to my life.
just because i used to get 100% but now i am in 99% so i am disappointed to myself.
then i do a lot of plans for my life.
i admit he got the point.
so now my question to myself is am i pushing myself to get everything too much?













i deserve to be better.