grief

i dont know what's wrong with me recently.
it feels like my luck just went off.
i am always experiencing you lose some when u get some.
i haven't back to my hometown for a month.
this is the first time i feel isolated from my family.
this is what i was dreaming for.
but, it doesn't feel good indeed.

a strange scene happen to me and Kian.
she called me a stranger.
i still remember she said she will ask me out if she come to KL.
so when she wrote her blog and said she came to KL,
i asked her why din't find me.
then she replied me who are you, stranger.
ouch, that's pain enough.
then i fight back and i can only say i hate you
because i really don't know how to fight back anymore.
actually it is good that everyone treat me as stranger.
i can understand why she treat me as stranger.
then she asked me to get out of her life.
i....am fine with that too.
i never be part of anyone's life i've thought so.
i doubt.
i doubt that what kind of me should i be.
a bad guy?
a good guy?

i've strived, thats what makes me left behind.
i've tried, thats what makes me stay alive.