mourn

2 days ago, i just celebrated my 21st birthday with my classmates.
they made me felt warm indeed because i never celebrated my birthday with a birthday cake before.
days before that, Mr Teoh was reported committed suicide.
when i read the articles, i admit that i cried.
i believe many readers cried as well.
his dead made me think that if i was the one who was dead.
i still have a lot of dreams never accomplish yet.
my friend man chun told me that his purpose of living is to die.
he said he lost the compassion to live.
i felt the same as he does.
but when i read the articles, i had change my mind.
the world is still warm and is getting warmer until the go green people keep telling people global warming.
but my warm means the world still love me.
people live to get a better life.
politicians fight among each other to be on the post.
i just learnt a word called servant leadership.
it means the leader works for the subordinates.(Lim Guan Eng)
the traditional way is subordinates work for the leader.(Mr. Mahathir)
they all have the same goal, better life.
but patheticly, people like to use tricks to succeed.
so Mr. Teoh was sacrificed.
but he managed to be a hero in public's heart.
his dead integrated the community more eager to strike for justice.
is very extraordinary to see the chinese stand together fight for the same purpose nowadays.

autism

last weekend i went back to penang to attend my convocation.
then my parent finally attended although they almost late to see me get on the stage to receive the diploma.
no special feeling from me when i received it.
i can see from my dad's eyes telling me that nothing to proud of, this is just a diploma.
yes, i am feeling the same too.
there are more challenges ahead.
after that, my parent gave me a bunch of sunflower.
then my mom insisted that i will like the flower.
in fact i am not.
it proved that my mom don't really know me.
but my dad do because he said why give a guy flowers, disgusting.
then we took photos and i managed to take with my favourite lecturer, Miss jocelynn lee.













smoking is not good for health, but it helps to stay focus.

frustration

Saturday is my belated convocation.
I am sure everyone hope that parent will attend your own convo right?
So i called my mum (i never spoke to her for a long time) to ask her whether she wants to attend my convo or not.
then she asked me to ask my dad whether he wants to go or not.
so i called my dad.
my dad quickly rejected his friends' appointment.
he said luckily i called him to remind him.
actually it cheered me because all these years i am urging him to treat me like i am important.
then i called my mum back.
then she rejected me indirectly. It was harsed seriously.
she told me the reason that she has to fetch my little sister to tuition at the time.
then i asked her to give me some money for the petrol(i purposely test on her)
then she kept saying that i hurt her...bla bla bla...
then she raised up her voice then said i am infilial piety (her friends are beside her)
i heard their voices. i really feel like killing them you know.
but i have to calm down.
this is my mum. so i just ignored every spears she threw at me.
but i just cant forget she just did that.
that really hurt me.
my mum never called me since i came to setapak.
she always told me that my dad was hoping that i can quickly study at setapak so that can abandon me.
but from my perception, is she doing it.
when my relationship was good with my mum, i was hating my dad for what he did to my family.
but now my relationship is good with my dad and i am hating my mum for what she did to dad.
my dad applied hygience theory to me and made me hate him.
but now he is applying motivator theory to me.
today my group did the eng presentation.
i did not put in my 100% because i still lost myself.
so at the 1st, i was trying to talk to my mum.
but she just gave me that kind of reply.
sometimes i wonder where is my family?
am i alone?
until just now 745pm my dad called me asked me when i back.
then i said tomorrow. he said i kept wasting his money travelling back.
haha.
actually i felt warm.













u make me wonder

mould

i stayed at hostel watch movie whole day, so what?
gosh!Ms Chin tutorial question really tough lk in the hell.
no wonder so many ppl failed her paper.
jz now i had dinner with Milk and her housemates with the Johor friends as well.
i ate a set of fried rice and a set of chicken rice plus a huge cup of herb tea.
i guess i had stopped drinking black coffee since i came to KL.
i barely chat with Vern today. but somehow i can feel that she is a little bit down today.
after the dinner, i fetched the johor friends back to their hostels.
while on the way, i let 1 of them to tell fortune from my hand.
he said he know how to do it.
alrite, i was planning to let him know who i am really are.
then he immediately told me that i am someone who put a high expectancy to myself.
i am a loner. i can do everything alone. then he said i am currently disappointing to my life.
just because i used to get 100% but now i am in 99% so i am disappointed to myself.
then i do a lot of plans for my life.
i admit he got the point.
so now my question to myself is am i pushing myself to get everything too much?













i deserve to be better.

castaway

today, i had a replacement class with Ms Chin.
early in the morning,she told us that she was being complained by AEM student about her teaching style.
Ms Chin had been remarkable since i went into KL TAR.
i admire her.the way she teach, she is cute sometimes, and her english is tremendously good.
the 1st day of her class, she kept on telling the students to be more prepare to work life.
i was sitting at the end of the hall observing the other ppl's reaction.
watching all those childish and shallow ppl that jz ignore her, i really feel sorry to them.
nvr symphatize but emphatize.
i dont lk to say ppl brainless but i lk to perceive in the other way.
they are not brainless but they jz simply retard.
after that i can feel the disappointment of Ms Chin.
so i decided to go and talk to her.
i told her that,"no worry!i will support u!u have been great!"
wow!that was brave.then ends up, she taught me thoroughly about the completion of the assignment.
actually i believe ppl jz need more courage to do something they simply believe.
that wasn't ego, arrogant or what. but i think we have to do right thing instead of do thing right.
rules is for indiscipline. regulation is for retards.
if u r self-disciplined and know how to use the brain, why need rules and regulations?
who need theory teaching instead of practical teaching?4 flat students!
so what?go to ur mummy!
then i saw Milk and her housemates outside of Ms Chin's room.
how am i suppose to have a conversation with a betrayal?i mean Milk.
she can simply expose all ur secrets for her sake and put us in unsettled situation.
yet, she will still explain to u that she did it for ur good!
omg. i don see any good on that unsettled situation.
i have exposed to much of my defenders to her.
i started to hate swimming because of her.
but i cant do lk that.
today Ms Chin taught us that we cant get affected by external factors if we 1 to success!
alright. tell u 1 thing! Ms Chin started to be my inspiration.
and i promised vern jz now that i will write about her.
i chat with her while watching drama,while reading newspaper.multitaskers!haha
i told her she is special to me. why?
because she...simple.

underdemiciated

if i knew that Ms Cheng would said about that i won't go and asked her.
it was ashamed i felt that.
she was persuading the ppl in my class that weak in english.
then the way she was suggesting is the way i am using.
english is not my 1st language, but i can tell u that i never get lower than grade A for my english paper.
i had improved my english since i went into college.
since then i never heard anyone comment about my english is poor but very good.
i guess it happened when my groupmates passed up a poor role play agenda (i never took a look yet).
maybe Ms Cheng thought it was my works.
no worry!
i guess i still have second chance.
i will present myself 100% in the role play next thursday.
since 3.5 is the highest marks Ms cheng ever gave, i will get more than 3.5!and i will be the only 1 in the class.
why i am so upset?
because Ms cheng compared me with a group of chinese educated ppl that very weak in english and yet they still don't want to improve it.
even they want they still cant because they are too stubborn!













Please remember that i am different with norms.

obssesions

Wow!what a day!
i woke up at 12pm then straight went for wash up.
after that went to chao xing's condo to fetch him then we headed to bintang road.
i found that recently i went to atm machines for quiet often.
i just took out rm100 ytd n i finished it today!aiks
this is just sounds not like me.
never mind!but i am really eager to tell this.
finally i found something which is delicious in KL!
and this stall somehow more delicious than penang's!
i feel a little bit hungry when talk about this.
i thought KL's wan tan mee sure can compete with penang's.
who knows the mee, the soup, the vege are in same level with penang.
then the wan tan i seriously tell you penang lost till...whoa!
then we went for a movie at times square.
before the movie we still got a lot of time to walk around.
so while we walk around, we talked about the girl he likes.
then i suggested him some ways.wakaka!
hope that it works.
about the movie, that was extremely...fantastic!
horror,horror and horror!