autism

last weekend i went back to penang to attend my convocation.
then my parent finally attended although they almost late to see me get on the stage to receive the diploma.
no special feeling from me when i received it.
i can see from my dad's eyes telling me that nothing to proud of, this is just a diploma.
yes, i am feeling the same too.
there are more challenges ahead.
after that, my parent gave me a bunch of sunflower.
then my mom insisted that i will like the flower.
in fact i am not.
it proved that my mom don't really know me.
but my dad do because he said why give a guy flowers, disgusting.
then we took photos and i managed to take with my favourite lecturer, Miss jocelynn lee.













smoking is not good for health, but it helps to stay focus.

frustration

Saturday is my belated convocation.
I am sure everyone hope that parent will attend your own convo right?
So i called my mum (i never spoke to her for a long time) to ask her whether she wants to attend my convo or not.
then she asked me to ask my dad whether he wants to go or not.
so i called my dad.
my dad quickly rejected his friends' appointment.
he said luckily i called him to remind him.
actually it cheered me because all these years i am urging him to treat me like i am important.
then i called my mum back.
then she rejected me indirectly. It was harsed seriously.
she told me the reason that she has to fetch my little sister to tuition at the time.
then i asked her to give me some money for the petrol(i purposely test on her)
then she kept saying that i hurt her...bla bla bla...
then she raised up her voice then said i am infilial piety (her friends are beside her)
i heard their voices. i really feel like killing them you know.
but i have to calm down.
this is my mum. so i just ignored every spears she threw at me.
but i just cant forget she just did that.
that really hurt me.
my mum never called me since i came to setapak.
she always told me that my dad was hoping that i can quickly study at setapak so that can abandon me.
but from my perception, is she doing it.
when my relationship was good with my mum, i was hating my dad for what he did to my family.
but now my relationship is good with my dad and i am hating my mum for what she did to dad.
my dad applied hygience theory to me and made me hate him.
but now he is applying motivator theory to me.
today my group did the eng presentation.
i did not put in my 100% because i still lost myself.
so at the 1st, i was trying to talk to my mum.
but she just gave me that kind of reply.
sometimes i wonder where is my family?
am i alone?
until just now 745pm my dad called me asked me when i back.
then i said tomorrow. he said i kept wasting his money travelling back.
haha.
actually i felt warm.













u make me wonder

mould

i stayed at hostel watch movie whole day, so what?
gosh!Ms Chin tutorial question really tough lk in the hell.
no wonder so many ppl failed her paper.
jz now i had dinner with Milk and her housemates with the Johor friends as well.
i ate a set of fried rice and a set of chicken rice plus a huge cup of herb tea.
i guess i had stopped drinking black coffee since i came to KL.
i barely chat with Vern today. but somehow i can feel that she is a little bit down today.
after the dinner, i fetched the johor friends back to their hostels.
while on the way, i let 1 of them to tell fortune from my hand.
he said he know how to do it.
alrite, i was planning to let him know who i am really are.
then he immediately told me that i am someone who put a high expectancy to myself.
i am a loner. i can do everything alone. then he said i am currently disappointing to my life.
just because i used to get 100% but now i am in 99% so i am disappointed to myself.
then i do a lot of plans for my life.
i admit he got the point.
so now my question to myself is am i pushing myself to get everything too much?













i deserve to be better.

castaway

today, i had a replacement class with Ms Chin.
early in the morning,she told us that she was being complained by AEM student about her teaching style.
Ms Chin had been remarkable since i went into KL TAR.
i admire her.the way she teach, she is cute sometimes, and her english is tremendously good.
the 1st day of her class, she kept on telling the students to be more prepare to work life.
i was sitting at the end of the hall observing the other ppl's reaction.
watching all those childish and shallow ppl that jz ignore her, i really feel sorry to them.
nvr symphatize but emphatize.
i dont lk to say ppl brainless but i lk to perceive in the other way.
they are not brainless but they jz simply retard.
after that i can feel the disappointment of Ms Chin.
so i decided to go and talk to her.
i told her that,"no worry!i will support u!u have been great!"
wow!that was brave.then ends up, she taught me thoroughly about the completion of the assignment.
actually i believe ppl jz need more courage to do something they simply believe.
that wasn't ego, arrogant or what. but i think we have to do right thing instead of do thing right.
rules is for indiscipline. regulation is for retards.
if u r self-disciplined and know how to use the brain, why need rules and regulations?
who need theory teaching instead of practical teaching?4 flat students!
so what?go to ur mummy!
then i saw Milk and her housemates outside of Ms Chin's room.
how am i suppose to have a conversation with a betrayal?i mean Milk.
she can simply expose all ur secrets for her sake and put us in unsettled situation.
yet, she will still explain to u that she did it for ur good!
omg. i don see any good on that unsettled situation.
i have exposed to much of my defenders to her.
i started to hate swimming because of her.
but i cant do lk that.
today Ms Chin taught us that we cant get affected by external factors if we 1 to success!
alright. tell u 1 thing! Ms Chin started to be my inspiration.
and i promised vern jz now that i will write about her.
i chat with her while watching drama,while reading newspaper.multitaskers!haha
i told her she is special to me. why?
because she...simple.

underdemiciated

if i knew that Ms Cheng would said about that i won't go and asked her.
it was ashamed i felt that.
she was persuading the ppl in my class that weak in english.
then the way she was suggesting is the way i am using.
english is not my 1st language, but i can tell u that i never get lower than grade A for my english paper.
i had improved my english since i went into college.
since then i never heard anyone comment about my english is poor but very good.
i guess it happened when my groupmates passed up a poor role play agenda (i never took a look yet).
maybe Ms Cheng thought it was my works.
no worry!
i guess i still have second chance.
i will present myself 100% in the role play next thursday.
since 3.5 is the highest marks Ms cheng ever gave, i will get more than 3.5!and i will be the only 1 in the class.
why i am so upset?
because Ms cheng compared me with a group of chinese educated ppl that very weak in english and yet they still don't want to improve it.
even they want they still cant because they are too stubborn!













Please remember that i am different with norms.

obssesions

Wow!what a day!
i woke up at 12pm then straight went for wash up.
after that went to chao xing's condo to fetch him then we headed to bintang road.
i found that recently i went to atm machines for quiet often.
i just took out rm100 ytd n i finished it today!aiks
this is just sounds not like me.
never mind!but i am really eager to tell this.
finally i found something which is delicious in KL!
and this stall somehow more delicious than penang's!
i feel a little bit hungry when talk about this.
i thought KL's wan tan mee sure can compete with penang's.
who knows the mee, the soup, the vege are in same level with penang.
then the wan tan i seriously tell you penang lost till...whoa!
then we went for a movie at times square.
before the movie we still got a lot of time to walk around.
so while we walk around, we talked about the girl he likes.
then i suggested him some ways.wakaka!
hope that it works.
about the movie, that was extremely...fantastic!
horror,horror and horror!

a big turn

yes. that's right.
today was a great day.
every thing just fine without talking to the slut.
just imagine i have to face the slut for 2 years.
but what bright my day was the MIS assignment i get the group approval to do it on my own.
but i promised i will do an excellent report for them.
you know how i convinced those bloody brainless woods?
my dad gave me a call.
he said 1 of his friend who is owning an international business that may suit our assignment requirement.
they still doubting.
then i asked them back,"do you have better idea?"
they just kept quiet.
as i expected.
then they still 1 to make my days difficult by asking bloody questions.
then i told them,"to approach this company's director, you have to accompany him to clubs and drinks and dance bla bla bla..."
they were shocked.haha
then i said no worry. i can handle it easily because this is my dad's friend.
meanwhile, i called this director, mr wong.
omg!i was hashed!his english was perfectly......good! then don't know somehow i became nervous!
well!this is the 1st time i spoke to my dad's friend whose english is so professional.
i became to admire this guy seriously.
then he asked me to write a formal letter of application because he somehow need to apply for other department as well.
he was being so helpful seriously.
then i just finished sending it. hope he don't mind my poor standard of english.

i was stung

So, today our group had meeting about the most complicated assignment in this semester.
but we finished it in half an hour.
why?because the other group members never prepare at all.
b4 the meeting, i asked them to think of at least 1 company for each person that suit our requirement.
but no 1 did.
fine.because i prepared and well-confident of my back up.
but, who knows they suggested some other companies that they barely know about them.
guys!we are doing management information system!
you guys suggest a small research company for what?
do you think there is an executive director in a research company (not AC Nielson that kind)
that use the system to do the strategic decision?
no right?
i really found myself getting older when i am in this group!
no preparation!lacking in intellectual depth or thoroughness!
all right then!
so i HAVE TO propose mine.
this company i had worked for them for half year and their background and what we need is 100% just fit.
and this company created their own MIS system that fit their company as well.
so our answer for the assignment is in the company.
i can get approval for the interview right now.
but the matter is this company that i worked is at penang.
so the other group member showed me that kind of doubtful face.
so i have to asked them for better idea.
then some 1 said GIANT supermarket.
i dont know the company well but i think they dont really want to bother us.
who want to do something that have 0% benefit to the company especially to a stranger?
this is not a deed from the company view of point but is a waste of resources.
i am not insist of taking Poh Kong as our 1st choice.
but i just want the group stop doing things that not necessary.
i found out that my group likes to do things that not really essential and no benefit at all.

















YOU make my life full of anger!

afflicted

this is the 1st time ever the group that i am in without teamwork.
there is a girl in my group that looks cute but awful(my opinion).
she tends to wear sexy and be a lot more feminine, such as speak in a very innocent tone,
eat in a very gentle way(slow in my opinion), wear a cap in an air-cond room,
flirt around, tends to be late in every meeting and class(purposely),
irresponsible......
i can have a lot of comments on this slut if 1 day she really make me reach my limit.
i had controlled my temper a lot until she can tell me that "u looks like very vulnerable!"
OMG, i guess this is my achievement on changing myself into some1 calm rather than a strong personality i gave to the previous friends.
ok,fine!
lets talk about what she did!
last week, my lecturer gave us a short group role play.
the 1st thing i did is i read through the characteristic of every role.
then i decide which role i wanted to play and a full script.
after that, the group decided to have a discussion about the plays in 1 of the group member's house.
then, i expect this role play meeting would be finished in 1 hour and we can do other tutorial questions together as well.
but god knows, this so called innocent gal late for meeting for half an hour!
when she arrived, she did it like very innocent and beg for apologize.
fine!we all forgive her!but she kept on repeating that she get used to be late!
even for a 2 hour class lecture, she can late for 1 hour and said "so what?!"
uuurrrghhhh!
then i proposed to the group members that how this role play should be done.
then this slut suddenly came out and disagree my idea.
then other group members asked her whether she got better idea or not.
then she said "i dono!i havent read through the question!but i don think we should do until that assertive!"
gosh!she wasn't in the conversation obviously some more interruption and create the blurs!
i have to work with a group of people that weak in English which probably failed in spm and nvr improved.
i have to raise down my presentation standard to make them looks ok fine!
the problem is the role play should be done in English!
i have to write a full script words by words for them then they just read it out!
this already piss me off!
some more!this slut said my script is a little bit boring!
come on!what do you want?why don you write ur own?!
u guys can even understand my kindergarten english some more u 1 something exciting?
then i write it more exciting for them!
then after that they prefer the boring 1 cos they can afford to do my standard!
fine fine fine!
we spent 3 hours meeting with no results becos of the chaos from the slut!
the other day, we chose to be the 2nd group to present.
then we watched the 1st group presented.
the lecturer gave some comments on the script which is all groups are similar!
the lecturer said should add this add that then cut this cut that!
i don think thats a great deal!so what?cos my script is perfectly in what she wanted!
but this slut that don understand the script at all(i already explained to her in variety of languages)
she blurred!she called off and wanted us to be the last group to present so that I can change the script!
i said my script is perfectly fine and u just do it!stop influence ur group mates to lose confidence!
but she was becoming more blur and i started to piss off feel like want to give her a slap!
luckily the group members listen to me and went to the front and present it!
but!the script was fine!my part was professionally fine!
they screwed!they did it like primary school kid reading books!no emotion!
no passion!so assertiveness!
OMG!this is the lousiest group and presentation i ever make!
and the most uncooperative group i ever lead!
my bad!my bad!and my bad!
if any1 1 to know who this slut is please ask me!i will tell u depends on my mood!
after this there is still a lot more of ridiculous things she did!
is too much until i cant even mention it all right now!i never hate a person so much like now!

woeful

my presentation was sucks.
2 out of 10 marks i gave to myself.
there are consequences in changing yourself.
bear with it.
get used to it.
i gotta move on.
new me then new way.
figuring how to fully utilize my new abilities.













u drag me to a place where you belong and take your heart along as u left.